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Sweeet! [Nov. 29th, 2006|05:53 pm]
You are Supergirl
Wonder Woman
The Flash
Iron Man
Green Lantern
Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

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(no subject) [Nov. 24th, 2006|04:37 am]
On this post-Thanksgiving mid-morning, I am most thankful for all the bargain shoppers that require my services. I am thankful for the calm, affable mood they all will surely be in on this fine early morn. I am thankful for the cold weather and the darkness, which do not mock me. I am thankful for the thirteen-hour day ahead of me. I am thankful the shit my cat just took in the litter box nearby. It smells great. I am most, thankful, however, for the Full Throttle energy drink that tastes like gasoline (yumm) and will undoubtedly give me gas all day.
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(no subject) [Nov. 20th, 2006|03:22 pm]
You scored as C.G. Jung. You are more of a spiritualist than would be immediately apparent. Some of your notions are questioned by the cynical, but deep down you know the human consciousness is more than the flesh and tissue can account for. You tend to take a scientific observationist look on matters the average person wouldn't even begin to analyze. You personally are responsible for most of the ideas that are floating around in modern psychologist's/psychic's paltry little skulls. On the down side, you tend to be associated with that asshole Freud.


Jesus Christ


C.G. Jung


Stephen Hawking


Friedrich Nietzsche


Hugh Hefner


Steven Morrissey


Elvis Presley


Miyamoto Musashi


Adolf Hitler


O.J. Simpson


Charles Manson


Dante Alighieri


Sigmund Freud


Mother Teresa


What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com
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My Job is Fucked. [Nov. 9th, 2006|10:42 pm]
A woman approached me at work today with a Christmas list for her daughter. On it were a bunch of DVDs and a few cds. The print was big and made of mostly misspelled words. I offered to help her find the DVDs first. So I began, and with that I gathered a collection of comedies, along with the occasional "family" film, such as "The Goonies."

Sometime during my interaction with her, she mentioned that her daughter was 24, and with down-syndrome. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I asked her for more on the list. I continued: Miss Congeniality 2; The Cowboy Way; Mixed Nuts--you get the idea.

On my second return, she asked for "Showgirls." Hmmn. Did the mother want this for herself, for her husband maybe? But then I noticed in that familiar big print, "Show Girls." I paused for a moment, trying to sort out my confusion. Finally, I said, "You do realize that 'Showgirls' is, well...it's an adult film."

She laughed and said, "Look, honey, she's 24 years old. She knows how all that stuff down there works." Then, perhaps to restate her point, she placed her index finger inside her mouth, as if to lick it; she made a jabbing motion with two fingers, about six inches from my face, imitating how a woman masturbates.

"OK. I'll go get it for you," I said, walking away quickly.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my job.
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(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2006|07:32 am]
[music |the constant ringing in my left ear]

Germany plays Argentina in about two hours. I feel a little like throwing up.

I think I'm getting a nice summer cold. Yesterday I took something with antihisthamine and passed out for a solid hour. The rest of the evening was confusing and weird. I remember watching The Sopranos, but I don't remember everything that happened.

No new news, otherwise. I'm reading a book by Louis Theroux, son of Paul. It serves as a sequel to his great show, "Weird Weekends," which aired for a while on BBC, if you ever saw it. I just finished a chapter about his visit with Ike Turner, who comes off as strangely hyper-sensitive and fragile. Now I'm reading about a group of "patriots" who live in northwest Idaho in preparation of the apocalypse at the hands of the New World Order.

Oh yeah: on Sunday, July 9, we're having a BBQ/World Cup final viewing, if anyone wants to come. I'll post again with more details for those interested.
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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2006|09:28 pm]
[music |The Slits]

I was praying to the gods for Mexico to beat Argentina today, and they almost did.

Ah well. Germany can win this thing. I've said it for months, and now people are beginning to believe.

Anybody wanna watch the games tomorrow? Call me if you do. One starts at 10. Another follows at 2pm.

Bring me beer and I'll love on yr leg.
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Let's Shop @ Inserections! [Apr. 17th, 2006|03:59 pm]
Any adult video store called Inserections is surely the place to be. Oh, Hawt-Lanta! You sooo crazy!

Also, Decatur is filled with lesbians! They're everywhere!!!!!!

At Six Flags we saw a guy about 4 ft. 10 in. tall with platinum-bleached spiked hair, decked out in cheesy hip hop gear. On the back of his white t-shirt was his air-brushed moniker, "Stinky". On his arm was a girl a solid foot taller with breasts the size of casaba mellons. She looked sorta butch, and it was nothing short of breathtaking and bizarre. Six Flags was hot, expensive, and mostly pointless, by the way. The wait was horrible: three rides, eight hours. I'm not kidding. It was all worth it, though, cuz we encountered via pamphlet and flyer Tony Alamo (pictured circa 1986), savior of mankind, author of the religious/political/scientific/prophetic manifesto, "Massive Suicide." One of his errand sluts were kind enough to baptize the windshield with his literature. Don't worry, I'll make copies for everyone to read. It's important to spread the word, is it not?

One more thing: IKEA could swallow entire towns. It's scary, but once you're acclimated with its soft, gooey center, you find cool stuff like ultra-hip egg-shaped dining room tables for only seventy bucks. Boo-yah!

I also taught my nephew the phrase, "Boo-yah!" He's funny.
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Vanity, As Experienced in a Whole, New Way! [Apr. 7th, 2006|04:24 pm]
Go to wikipedia and put in your birth date. Don't put in the year. Post in your LJ with three neat facts, two births, and two deaths and one holiday/observance in your journal including the year (of the event, not your birth)!

1898 - Spanish-American War: Spain declares war on the United States.
1916 - Easter Uprising begins: The Irish Republican Brotherhood led by nationalist Patrick Pearse start a rebellion in Ireland.
1994 - The world's largest lollipop weighing 3,011 pounds (1,366 kg) is made in Denmark

Births: (OK, so I'm listing more than two here. Notice the three REALLY lame women born this day.)
1904 - Willem de Kooning, Dutch painter (d. 1997)
1934 - Shirley MacLaine, American actress and author
1942 - Barbra Streisand, American singer, actress, and director
1954 - Mumia Abu-Jamal, American journalist, political activist, and death-row inmate (also, a fucking idiot)
1982 - Kelly Clarkson, American singer

1731 - Daniel Defoe, English writer (b. 1660)
1947 - Willa Cather, American writer (b. 1873)
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(no subject) [Mar. 16th, 2006|07:52 pm]
Thanks to me, Best Buy on 280 will now carry several albums by The Fall, Wire, and Billy Bragg. It's a small victory that no one but me will even appreciate. Oh well. Work usually takes up the bulk of my day, so I may as well enable myself to walk around with a tiny sense of well-being.

Tina's in the living room watching "Elizabethtown". I can't make myself join her.

Tomorrow's Saint Paddy's Day. That means it's my 6th anniversary with Tina. It's difficult to juggle romance with the annual urge to inject Guinness and whiskey directly into my arm, especially in the same evening. We should have had our anniversary on May Day. I don't think people go out drinking on May Day. Or do they?
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Friends: Hello [Feb. 28th, 2006|05:04 pm]
Gary: the new YYY's single is very good. Buy it if you haven't already.

Work: fuck you. All the dust is making my goddamn nose bleed!

Lips: why are you chapped? Quit it.

Potato chips: Why must you taste so delicious?

Glasses: soon you will be replaced, thanks to eye insurance. I may stomp on you just to be cruel.

24: Jack Bauer, I think impure thoughts about your daughter. But she sure gets around; she's even in that Weezer video.

Brain: you should resist the impulse of telling my fingers to type such stupid shit online for people to read.
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