| Sweeet! |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|05:53 pm] |
:
You are Supergirl
| Supergirl |
| 95% |
| Wonder Woman |
| 95% |
| Catwoman |
| 90% |
| The Flash |
| 80% |
| Spider-Man |
| 80% |
| Iron Man |
| 75% |
| Green Lantern |
| 75% |
| Robin |
| 62% |
| Batman |
| 60% |
| Hulk |
| 55% |
| Superman |
| 55% |
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Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.
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Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2006|04:37 am] |
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On this post-Thanksgiving mid-morning, I am most thankful for all the bargain shoppers that require my services. I am thankful for the calm, affable mood they all will surely be in on this fine early morn. I am thankful for the cold weather and the darkness, which do not mock me. I am thankful for the thirteen-hour day ahead of me. I am thankful the shit my cat just took in the litter box nearby. It smells great. I am most, thankful, however, for the Full Throttle energy drink that tastes like gasoline (yumm) and will undoubtedly give me gas all day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2006|03:22 pm] |
 | You scored as C.G. Jung. You are more of a spiritualist than would be immediately apparent. Some of your notions are questioned by the cynical, but deep down you know the human consciousness is more than the flesh and tissue can account for. You tend to take a scientific observationist look on matters the average person wouldn't even begin to analyze. You personally are responsible for most of the ideas that are floating around in modern psychologist's/psychic's paltry little skulls. On the down side, you tend to be associated with that asshole Freud.
Jesus Christ | | 67% | C.G. Jung | | 67% | Stephen Hawking | | 58% | Friedrich Nietzsche | | 58% | Hugh Hefner | | 58% | Steven Morrissey | | 58% | Elvis Presley | | 50% | Miyamoto Musashi | | 50% | Adolf Hitler | | 50% | O.J. Simpson | | 42% | Charles Manson | | 42% | Dante Alighieri | | 33% | Sigmund Freud | | 17% | Mother Teresa | | 8% | </td>
What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| My Job is Fucked. |
[Nov. 9th, 2006|10:42 pm] |
A woman approached me at work today with a Christmas list for her daughter. On it were a bunch of DVDs and a few cds. The print was big and made of mostly misspelled words. I offered to help her find the DVDs first. So I began, and with that I gathered a collection of comedies, along with the occasional "family" film, such as "The Goonies."
Sometime during my interaction with her, she mentioned that her daughter was 24, and with down-syndrome. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I asked her for more on the list. I continued: Miss Congeniality 2; The Cowboy Way; Mixed Nuts--you get the idea.
On my second return, she asked for "Showgirls." Hmmn. Did the mother want this for herself, for her husband maybe? But then I noticed in that familiar big print, "Show Girls." I paused for a moment, trying to sort out my confusion. Finally, I said, "You do realize that 'Showgirls' is, well...it's an adult film."
She laughed and said, "Look, honey, she's 24 years old. She knows how all that stuff down there works." Then, perhaps to restate her point, she placed her index finger inside her mouth, as if to lick it; she made a jabbing motion with two fingers, about six inches from my face, imitating how a woman masturbates.
"OK. I'll go get it for you," I said, walking away quickly.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my job. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|07:32 am] |
| [ | music |
| | the constant ringing in my left ear | ] |
Germany plays Argentina in about two hours. I feel a little like throwing up.
I think I'm getting a nice summer cold. Yesterday I took something with antihisthamine and passed out for a solid hour. The rest of the evening was confusing and weird. I remember watching The Sopranos, but I don't remember everything that happened.
No new news, otherwise. I'm reading a book by Louis Theroux, son of Paul. It serves as a sequel to his great show, "Weird Weekends," which aired for a while on BBC, if you ever saw it. I just finished a chapter about his visit with Ike Turner, who comes off as strangely hyper-sensitive and fragile. Now I'm reading about a group of "patriots" who live in northwest Idaho in preparation of the apocalypse at the hands of the New World Order.
Oh yeah: on Sunday, July 9, we're having a BBQ/World Cup final viewing, if anyone wants to come. I'll post again with more details for those interested. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|09:28 pm] |
I was praying to the gods for Mexico to beat Argentina today, and they almost did.
Ah well. Germany can win this thing. I've said it for months, and now people are beginning to believe.
Anybody wanna watch the games tomorrow? Call me if you do. One starts at 10. Another follows at 2pm.
Bring me beer and I'll love on yr leg. |
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| Let's Shop @ Inserections! |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|03:59 pm] |
Any adult video store called Inserections is surely the place to be. Oh, Hawt-Lanta! You sooo crazy!
Also, Decatur is filled with lesbians! They're everywhere!!!!!!
At Six Flags we saw a guy about 4 ft. 10 in. tall with platinum-bleached spiked hair, decked out in cheesy hip hop gear. On the back of his white t-shirt was his air-brushed moniker, "Stinky". On his arm was a girl a solid foot taller with breasts the size of casaba mellons. She looked sorta butch, and it was nothing short of breathtaking and bizarre. Six Flags was hot, expensive, and mostly pointless, by the way. The wait was horrible: three rides, eight hours. I'm not kidding. It was all worth it, though, cuz we encountered via pamphlet and flyer Tony Alamo (pictured circa 1986), savior of mankind, author of the religious/political/scientific/prophetic manifesto, "Massive Suicide." One of his errand sluts were kind enough to baptize the windshield with his literature. Don't worry, I'll make copies for everyone to read. It's important to spread the word, is it not?
One more thing: IKEA could swallow entire towns. It's scary, but once you're acclimated with its soft, gooey center, you find cool stuff like ultra-hip egg-shaped dining room tables for only seventy bucks. Boo-yah!
I also taught my nephew the phrase, "Boo-yah!" He's funny. |
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| Vanity, As Experienced in a Whole, New Way! |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|04:24 pm] |
Go to wikipedia and put in your birth date. Don't put in the year. Post in your LJ with three neat facts, two births, and two deaths and one holiday/observance in your journal including the year (of the event, not your birth)!
Events:
1898 - Spanish-American War: Spain declares war on the United States.
1916 - Easter Uprising begins: The Irish Republican Brotherhood led by nationalist Patrick Pearse start a rebellion in Ireland.
1994 - The world's largest lollipop weighing 3,011 pounds (1,366 kg) is made in Denmark
Births: (OK, so I'm listing more than two here. Notice the three REALLY lame women born this day.)
1904 - Willem de Kooning, Dutch painter (d. 1997)
1934 - Shirley MacLaine, American actress and author
1942 - Barbra Streisand, American singer, actress, and director
1954 - Mumia Abu-Jamal, American journalist, political activist, and death-row inmate (also, a fucking idiot)
1982 - Kelly Clarkson, American singer
Deaths:
1731 - Daniel Defoe, English writer (b. 1660)
1947 - Willa Cather, American writer (b. 1873) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|07:52 pm] |
Thanks to me, Best Buy on 280 will now carry several albums by The Fall, Wire, and Billy Bragg. It's a small victory that no one but me will even appreciate. Oh well. Work usually takes up the bulk of my day, so I may as well enable myself to walk around with a tiny sense of well-being.
Tina's in the living room watching "Elizabethtown". I can't make myself join her.
Tomorrow's Saint Paddy's Day. That means it's my 6th anniversary with Tina. It's difficult to juggle romance with the annual urge to inject Guinness and whiskey directly into my arm, especially in the same evening. We should have had our anniversary on May Day. I don't think people go out drinking on May Day. Or do they? |
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| Friends: Hello |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|05:04 pm] |
Gary: the new YYY's single is very good. Buy it if you haven't already.
Work: fuck you. All the dust is making my goddamn nose bleed!
Lips: why are you chapped? Quit it.
Potato chips: Why must you taste so delicious?
Glasses: soon you will be replaced, thanks to eye insurance. I may stomp on you just to be cruel.
24: Jack Bauer, I think impure thoughts about your daughter. But she sure gets around; she's even in that Weezer video.
Brain: you should resist the impulse of telling my fingers to type such stupid shit online for people to read. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|04:58 pm] |
No sick, perverse, grotesque, near-bacchanalian celebrations this year. No Mardi Gras for me, and for the first time ever. I'm fucking depressed about it, and the reality of all the fun craziness I'll be missing hit me just now, like a mean left hook. Why it hasn't sunk in until now I can't explain.
I'm off Saturday, which means I'll likely be drunk, immersed in a giant Pity Party... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|06:35 pm] |
This past week:
1. Three consecutive days of a mild but persistent nosebleed. Is it sinus? Is my brain finally swelling (or is it shrinking) into a bloody pulp?
2. Reaffirmed my homo-feelings for David Byrne. Everyone should buy dual discs from now on. "77" remastered, playing through my surround sound speakers: well, that equals a big, fat musical boner.
3. Matisyahu is not a novelty act. He's not the hasidic reggae equivalent to Snow. He's incredible. Thanks to him and Damian Marley, contemporary reggae is finally saying something.
4. Tina and I had a record-breaking, sweaty, impassioned game of Scrabble. I lost. But just barely.
5. I'm reading Shakespeare. The itch to scratch a text with a pencil remains, after all.
6. I ate a tangerine for the first time in a long, long time. Highly recommended.
7. A scary guy and his bald wife purchased "Eraserhead" and "In the Mouth of Madness" on my good word. Their little son had hair and wasn't scary.
8. My mom had her 59th birthday. If she lives to the age of her mother, I only have 14 more years with her.
9. Seamus farted directly in my face. Not even three minutes ago.
10. I ran into a guy who graduated with me from high school. Feelings of inadequacy, awkwardness, mild nostalgia, confusion, amusement, and finally boredom ensued.
Anything interesting happen to anyone else? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
It may sound dumb to many of you, but even now I can't give up the possibility (or what was once a probability) of pursuing academia for a living due to the simple reason that I love books so goddamn much. I'm a weird bird, I know. But fuck it: I love reading books, discussing them, writing about them, even reading criticism that would bore anyone in their right mind. Of course, the romance is gone and reality has long since set in: the pay is bad, the work competitive and scarce, the students frequently dumb, unappreciative, uninterested. When you've been around as long as I have in the company of lit. professors, you eventually realize they all have at least three things in common: 1) they're hugely in debt. 2) alcoholism. 3) they're all paranoids since the job lacks stability. And god, the notion of moving to central Arkansas or south-eastern Wyoming or western Idaho for a job and supposedly being grateful for it--well, I'm not sure if I love the discipline that much...
All that said, as of today I am now officially full-time at work. It's not a salary position (not yet), but I got a raise, access to health benefits, company stock, all that jazz. Not too shabby considering I started only two months ago. So yeah, I'm pleased that my competence and work ethic is for once noted, appreciated, and rewarded. I've been long overdue for good news. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|08:17 pm] |
Jens Lekman's album, "Oh You're So Silent Jens", is the best album of 2005, I'm beginning to think. Gary, you need to hear it, if only for his sampling of Calvin Johnson. He sings along with Calvin and the moment is nothing short of magic.
That it all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|05:20 pm] |
I can actually feel myself growing fatter. Over the past two wonderful, work-free days I have eaten an uncharacteristic amount of chocolate, mostly Godiva truffles and about a pound of Choxie. Belgians rule. But how do they stay so thin?
Today I watched a documentary about wheelchair rugby called "Murderball". It's received a fair amount of press, but not enough if you ask me. As far as documentaries go, it is affecting without being sentimental, smart and refreshing because of its simplicity.
Also, now that I've had the time as of late to listen to music, I must admit that I've embraced my inner, cardigan-wearing geek: the new Belle and Sebastian is soooo good. Yeah, I like to sing along to pretty music. I listened to Arcturus this morning too. So sue me, fuckers!
One last observation: if you rent Spielberg's War of the Worlds, pay close attention to Tom Cruise's face in the last scene, when he reunites with his boy. The expression on his face is priceless. It's a look of sheer demonic possession, and very, very funny... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|07:49 am] |
I sold a cd to Charles Barkley at work the other day. He was very nice. I don't know why, but it took everything in me to keep from cracking up right in front of him. Something about the guy makes me laugh. Maybe it's his fucking huge cranium, or that smirk he always wears on his face, or perhaps it was a nervous reaction to meeting one of the best sports personalities and basketball players ever.
I'm nearly finished with what has felt like drowning in a sea of endless questions, hands pulling me in different directions, the sounds of Christmas music following me everywhere I go. I had to work at 5am yesterday. I was up so early that Girls Gone Wild commercials were still on air. Now they have something called "The Games of Girls Gone Wild". You know, topless girls on trampolines, topless girls mud wrestling...
I don't work today. This is what I'll do:
1. Listen to Johnny Cash's "Unearthed" recordings
2. Clean my closet and the kitchen
3. Read the two magazines I bought yesterday
4. Play tennis if it isn't too cold
5. Watch some of Season 7 of The Simpsons, which Tina bought me yesterday.
Patrick, we still getting dinner?
Tonight I am drinking scotch. I look forward to that too. |
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| Everyone else is doing it... |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|07:27 pm] |
FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
Bookseller
Writing tutor
Music retail whore
Making pizza for slave wages
FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
Nat'l Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Point Break
Fellowship of the Ring
Rushmore
FOUR PLACES YOU'VE LIVED
Mobile, AL
Montevallo, AL
Fairhope, AL
New Orleans, LA
FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH (currently on-air)
The Simpsons
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Ali G
24
FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION
Honolulu, HI
Washington D.C.
Chicago, IL
St. Augustine, FL
FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
gmail.com
cnn.com
aldaily.com
livejournal.com
FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
cheese and onion enchiladas
falafel burgers at nabeel's
checker's french fries
my mom's garlic bread
FOUR PLACES YOU'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
swimming in a warm ocean
at a great pub watching club soccer in either germany, england, or scotland
in a hottub drinking good bourbon
on a tennis court in warm weather |
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| beer in the shower. it encourages cleanliness. |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|07:42 pm] |
The best beer for drinking in the shower is Negro Modelo Especial. I once tried dark beer but it's not suitable. Gets too hot in there.
Tina's putting together the Xmas tree. Basically, a six-foot vertical litter box for the cats. Oh, also a six-foot kitty toy. That, as well as a midnight snack for Emaleth, who has a tendency to chew compulsively, in case anyone's not noticed her sweet, round, soft body. Am I not feeling the warmth of Xmas cheer? Nah, not really; not when you work where I do. Afterall, I get to listen to a recording of a dog barking "Jingle Bells" twice every hour. The other day I sold two PSP's (at $250 each plus accessories and video games) to a woman who had already bought her two boys an XBOX 360 (starting at $399) for Christmas. She was young and blonde and smiled too much. She reminded me of the young women in Fairhope who have cardiologists in their late 50s for husbands. I wonder if they have a secret society? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|01:00 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | boards of canada | ] |
Can white English boys really sing the blues? Not really. I'm was listening to a collection of very old Stones songs, most of which were covers of old Delta and Chicago blues covers, and it's obvious to me that Mick Jagger is imitating but not feeling whatever is inherent in guys like Howlin' Wolf and Robert Johnson when they breathe, speak, move and sing. I was talking to a tall, skinny guy in his forties last night at work, who turned out to be the editor of Black & White. Cool guy. Good writer too. He even invited me to their annual party downtown on Friday, which would be awesome because I'd get to meet J.R. Taylor. Too bad I have to work! The point is that he referred to the Stones as the "only great white English R&B band". I'm always willing to reconsider my opinions, and I've given it a shot today, and I still disagree. The Animals were much, much better.
But anyway, work is busy as usual. I'm beginning to dislike the responsibility I've unknowingly walked into with this position, since most of the people in my department are either stupid or lazy, or both. The problem is that there's no steady authority figure within the department, so people take advantage and fuck off. I'm not in a position to complain, though; the job pays pretty well for what it is, and time does generally fly by while I'm on the clock. I look forward to getting paid Friday. Gotta pay rent and eat!
My old friend, Jim, is coming up on the Wednesday King Kong opens. He's a huge fan of the original and also a Peter Jackson nut, so his excitement exceeds mine. I'm more weary than anything. How can Jackson match the achievment of the Rings trilogy? If anyone wants to meet up with us for the premiere, let me know. I'll have to get tickets ahead of time.
Other stuff: Melanie, you'll be proud. I'm becoming a Bengals fan!
Yeesh, this was a dumb post. |
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